1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
