he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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