I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
A bitchslap is in order.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
