Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
