What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
