I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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