A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
