Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
