I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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