I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
