She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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