he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
