The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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