Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
