I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
