So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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