I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
