remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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