I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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