Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Randomize
