Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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