Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
