Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
