I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
