matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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