I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
