If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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