My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
