Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
