Heybabeimwearingurpanties
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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