Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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