i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
