Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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