Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
