Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
