i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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