I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
