i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
