and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
