and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
