I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
