Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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