I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
