You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
