we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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