I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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