That's intense
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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