cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
