I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
