Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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