Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
