we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
