I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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