My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
