Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
