i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
