so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
