And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
