mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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